Sometimes I don’t know what to feel…

Sometimes I don't know what to feel
Everything I thought that I knew starts to look so unreal
There's a ringing in my head that keeps me awake at night
Sometimes I don't know what is right
…
Sometimes I don't know what to do
Someone said the world's going to end and I think its true
I thought there was some love in the world
But I guess I'm wrong

Todd Rundgren, 1973

It has been more than a week since Donald Trump won the election. I still can’t shake the feelings of anxiety and dread that Trump’s election has spawned in me. I am racked by alternative feelings of dismay and the desire to do something, anything to prevent this national electoral temper tantrum from wrecking permanent damage to our country. I am still obsessed with the news, but it has yet to give me comfort. I have begun blogging, posting incessantly on Facebook and Twitter, to the point that I am alienating my less political friends. Last Wednesday I went to a political rally just to regain the sense of community with those who share my concerns. At least at the rally I felt like I was participating in something that can impact elections down the road.  

I am not generally a reactionary or alarmist by nature, but the folly of the 8^th of November’s decision seems so blindly obvious, that I can’t wrap my head around the idea that anyone is satisfied with the result. To me, Trump is so obviously unfit, yet he is going to be the President of “these United States”.  Everything I have read suggests that more than 60% of people who voted for Donald Trump agreed that he was unqualified but they voted for him just the same. I cannot seem to square those facts in my head.

What is at the core of my unease? I fear Trump’s impulsive and ill-considered foreign policy rhetoric will continue while in office with destabilizing effect. His belligerent tone towards our Allies, his rhetoric destabilizing NATO unity, his unilateral rapprochement with Russia, and his insistence of economic protectionism above all else might all be the source of disaster due to predictable, but unintended consequences. His language has the potential to embolden our enemies to action which might lead to military crisis. It is just such destabilizing forces that resulted in the last two World Wars.  

Donald Trump’s pathological focus on Muslims as a de facto terrorist threat lacks any nuance and is out of proportion to the facts. It is true that we are in direct conflict with a small number of radical Islamic terrorists. But, Trump’s lumping of all Muslims in that camp erodes America’s ability to harness essential cooperation from our Muslim allies. Moreover, this belligerent, un-nuanced stance actually aids the terrorists build support by enabling them to paint America as a threat to mainstream Muslims. And Trump’s rhetorical hostility has not been limited to foreign Muslims. His insistence, without evidence and in the face of clear evidence to the contrary, that Muslim Americans are harboring and cheering terrorists is dangerous. I worry this might be an omen of a coming unAmerican and unConstitutional pogrom.

The history of other nations suggests that fear mongering is a force that can be harnessed, either intentionally or unintentionally, to cause a nation to abandon their constitutional system’s protections of individual liberty. The constant fear mongering and hate expressed in the campaign, which appears to be supported by significant numbers of my fellow citizens, moves us incrementally towards conditions that erode our freedoms. Unreasoned reactionary rhetoric could lead us towards policies that suppress religious freedom, free speech, freedom to assembly and the abandonment of due process. These rights are the bedrock on which democracy is built, and once diminished; there is no clear path to bring them back. 

Many of my fellow citizens believe my concerns are a baseless over reaction. Maybe I am wrong, but I just cannot see how these apprehensions can be dismissed. I know that there could be a difference between the rhetoric of the campaign and Mr. Trump’s conduct in office. I recognize that the Trump administration is likely to draw upon experts which could act as a moderating influence on the actual behavior of a Trump presidency. However, during the campaign, Trump did not appear to be constrained by either expert advice or even facts, which does not bode well for the new Administration’s moderation. Part of me recognizes that my feelings of impending doom are, at least in part, irrational. The bigotry, misogyny, and all round vulgarity of the election could all have been theater. The normal bureaucratic organizational inertia and Constitutional checks and balances still exist so the most radical proposals floated during the election are unlikely to occur. Of course, everyone said a Trump presidency would be unlikely, yet here we are.

In Columbia, Maryland, I have heard American Muslim parents tell me their school children have expressed fear they and their parents will be forced to leave this country or worse. These young first- and second-graders heard the campaign rhetoric that was spewed and it has affected them. The immediacy of these parents concern and fear moved me. I heard others tell of random acts of hate and bile directed at people of color by folks who appeared to be emboldened by Mr. Trump’s victory. This is not the America I love.  I know we are so much better than that as a nation, and I can’t understand why so many of my fellow Americans were able to callously disregard the bigoted undertones of the Trump campaign to select him as our President.  

In this past election, I was not an over-enthusiastic Hillary supporter. I did think she was well-qualified and would have made a good President. Despite her obvious flaws, and in the face of the likely specter of more investigations and gridlock, I felt Hillary was a vastly superior choice to Donald Trump. I tried to give Donald Trump a fair hearing once it became clear that he was a real force in the Republican field. I listened to his speeches and interviews and I tried to understand what it was that made him so wildly popular with so many. To my ear, Trump was a hyperbolic, bigoted and incoherent demigod, unmoored by facts, with no real plans, and who appeared to be largely unprepared to lead this nation. And I was shocked as he continued to win over greater and greater numbers of voters. To me, his populism made no sense. Now Sanders populist appeal I understood. At least Sanders was talking about issues that I thought mattered to most Americans: jobs, the growing wealth divide, the lack of affordable and livable housing for the poor and lower middle class, a higher minimum wage, affordable higher education, and a single payer health care system. Trump didn’t seem to me to have any clear, realistic plans for any of these issues, yet he seemed to resonate with many Americans just the same.

I am normally extremely optimistic about America and our collective future. I take pride in the way the country has risen above past mistakes to create a free society in which increasing numbers have an equal opportunity to succeed. I strongly believe in our Constitution, the Bill of Rights and the equality of all peoples before the law.  I pride myself on being open and objective, and I am actively looking for signs of hope. I truly want Donald Trump to succeed because his success is America’s success. I want to believe that my concerns are baseless, but right now, I just feel glum. 

Sometimes I just feel so alone
I don't want to admit to my friends that I feel confused
I wonder what I'd do with myself if the world was gone
Something makes me stay on my feet
Don't you dare admit to defeat
And if I tell myself it's all right
I can comfort myself through the night
And watch another day dawn
And everything will be cool

Todd Rundgren, 1973